The Best Listening Tips!

I can still see her face.  The sweetest elderly lady. A long-time supporter of the pregnancy center I was promoting.

She stopped me after I had given a talk at a church and began talking.  My inner voice groaned as I saw someone ELSE I really wanted to talk with.  I tried to look at this sweet lady and listen as she talked, but I kept seeing that other person over THERE.

Eventually? She called me out.  She said, “I see you aren’t really listening. Never mind. I will talk with you another time.”

Ouch.  I hadn’t heard a word she said.  I watched her walk away realizing I had not honored her, nor valued her.  And that other person? I never did get to speak with them as they left by the time I recovered from being called out.  And I simply felt BAD inside.

Listening tips…

• Be fully present in the conversation with each and every person God puts in your path.  Every. Single. Person. Look them in the eyes. Listen intently. Give them your full attention. Be kind and gracious.

• Simply be curious. Enter into conversations WITHOUT an agenda. As you are curious it is easier to have that curiosity and ask clarifying questions. Try it with your next conversation!

• Let them finish their thought. Completely! Do not interrupt.

• Repeat back to them what you have heard - it will let them know you really ARE listening.

Have I mastered the art of listening? I can assure you the answer is no. But I am mindful and keep trying.

Romans 12:10  “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.”

Self-Care in Action

Don’t hate me. As I write this the sound of the pounding waves, the glistening blue pool, and that lonely palm tree are all calling me outside. Maui at it’s finest, and my first time here. When a friend invites you to go along, the answer is always a resounding YES.

You may say to me, “Well, Robin, you are no longer a pregnancy center director! You don’t have a care in the world…” Please let me tell you, friend, that discovering how to have a lifestyle that exhibits taking care of myself has not been an easy path.

I remember oh-so-well the sleepless nights thinking of a vast to-do list, the stress of wondering where all the necessary funds would come from, the upcoming board meeting and preparing my report, the guilt of not spending enough quality time with my husband and children.

Taking care of yourself is vital. You can compare it to the flight attendant on a plane telling you to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others. If you make taking care of yourself a priority, you will have more to help others. More energy. More confidence. More time. Yet it feels foreign to love yourself. You might say it even almost feels wrong. But Jesus commands us to love ourselves.

“Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF.” Mark 12:31

What does this look like for you? What is one thing you can do to take care of yourself today? Is it a walk? A trip to see a movie? An extra hour of sleep? Dinner out with your husband or a good friend you’ve wanted to spend time with? Maybe it isn’t Maui, but I’m sure there is something that can bring a bit of relief and rest. Don’t hesitate to make yourself a priority today!

Is Burnout Right Around the Corner?

I knew I was on the fast track to BURNOUT. I could feel it. I could see it. But I had no idea how to stop it.

Boundaries? Nope.  I had very few. But, you see? The work I was doing felt SO vital. So important. And if I didn’t do it, no one would!  God called me to this position, so I have to keep working. (The justifications kept coming out of my mouth…).

The simple fact is I am the one who put myself on that track, and I was the one who needed to be intentional to get off of it.

If you are putting your job and your position as a leader before your family, and ultimately before God?  Stop.  I give you permission to stop today.

Leadership Tip #4? Define those things that are IMPORTANT to you and make them a priority.  TODAY.

Things like spending time with God so you can hear His sweet voice, taking a getaway with your husband, a special date with your children or grandchildren, time with a dear friend, etc.  Stop allowing work to rule your life. Stop getting your work emails at home. Tell everyone you work with “When I leave work? I’m LEAVING WORK.  Don’t call or email me as I won’t respond.”

Psalm 59:16 “But as for me, I shall sing of Your strength; Yes, I shall joyfully sing of Your lovingkindness in the morning, For You have been my stronghold and a refuge in the day of my distress.”

If you’d like to explore how a coaching relationship can help improve your life? Let’s talk!

Do You Run or Stand Firm When It's Hard?

I remember the day well.  The day I stood up to an employee and asked her to leave, on the spot. “Grab your things and leave the building.”  Gulp.  Then what did I do?  I RAN FROM THE BUILDING TO GO HIDE IN MY CAR.

What was I hiding from? Or WHO?  I called a dear friend who promptly told me to “Act like the leader and march right back into that building, take control, and talk with the other employees who were still there.”

It was like I was watching myself from up above, cheering myself on.  Go! Go! Go!  My feet felt like they were caked in cement as I walked slowly (not marching with confidence) back into the building.

I knew that particular employee needed to leave. But, y’all, that day was HARD.  I had staff members looking at me as if I was the meanest boss on the planet.  But I knew I couldn’t explain to them what had happened, and either they would trust me or they wouldn’t.  I had no need to justify myself to them because I knew I was okay in God’s eyes.

Leadership tip #3?  (If you missed tip #1 or #2, you can read them here)

When it comes to making difficult decisions? Stand firm and don’t be a coward.

If God has made you a leader?  Hold your head high and make the hard decisions when you must, without justifying each decision to people. You don’t ultimately report to anyone other than God.

Philippians 1:6 “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Are You Part of the Problem or the Solution?

I remember the voice in my head and feeling the virtual slap on my face.  “Oh man.  I’ve been looking for the source of the problems in the office, and it’s ME.” 

As a leader goes, so goes the organization.  Well, it’s true.  This is yet another lesson I learned the hard way.

It’s not like I was doing anything BAD or IMMORAL, but I was grumbling and complaining. I was hiding behind my stated need to “verbally process” and talk about frustrations with people.  As soon as I faced a perceived “crisis?” I just HAD to find someone to talk with, and often times it was whomever was the first person I could find.  And it wouldn’t simply be one person, but it might be several. The thing is I wasn’t always cautious about WHO I spoke with or WHEN.

Psalms 139:4 “Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all.”

Instead of taking my complaints directly to God, who would truly have all the answers I needed? I brought them to people.

My 2nd Leadership tip? (If you missed the first one, you can read it here)

Learn the value of NOT openly grumbling and complaining.

Find out what it means to have a SCARRED TONGUE, which can only happen if you truly bite your tongue in order to remain silent in the moment.  God can handle it if you vocalize your complaints to Him.  And if you are silent long enough to actually listen to Him? You might even get the answers you are looking for…

Philippians 2:14 (NASB) “Do all things without grumbling or disputing.”

Never Lead Alone

Looking back over more than 23 years as a leader, I like to think of myself as one of the good ones. I tried to walk with humility, care for those being led, and help them grow in their roles while striving to be a servant leader. Yet the reality is I am simply a woman who tried to do my best in a role where God had called me.

Like most people, when looking back the tendency is to focus on what was NOT done well and the mistakes made. How things were often learned the HARD way. It’s easy to recall the botched situations and people who were treated poorly.

In this blog I hope to share some leadership snippets and things I learned along the way, and hopefully help you avoid some painful situations in your own life as you lead (whether you lead a home or an organization).

Looking back I see situations and things I could have (and wished I had) done differently. It is a high calling when God puts you in a leadership position with authority over other people. God’s word gives us the greatest examples of leaders - both those who did not do it well and those who did.

When God first called me to a leadership position, I was young, but I said YES out of obedience. I took a big breath, looked around me, and quickly asked God to send me help. I had to be humble at that point because I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING!!!!!

Here’s my first leadership tip… Ready?

Never lead alone. Find someone else who has gone before you and ask for their help.